talvez quizás
by xfucktheglasses
Summary: Feet, don't fail me now. —Sasuke-centric.


Written for the first SasuSaku_Month.

**talvez quizás**

He's running away again.

Oh, Sasuke was so good at running away. He excelled in it, and he was proud.

He ran, and ran, and ran and continued to run because everything was still trailing him and if he dared to stop for one second, it'd catch up and swallow him whole. Chew him up and never spit him out.

Sometimes, Sasuke liked to numb everything with alcohol and drugs. It slowed everything down and made him go so fast – like a comet, where everyone stood still to watch it soar in the sky without a flicker of doubt and so fast, not even the twinkles of the stars could ever keep up. Sasuke liked to cheat – he'd take anything – _anything_ – to make it all go away for a second.

Sasuke was… Oh, Sasuke was addicted to running away and never stopping.

Maybe that's why she wasn't there, with him, at that very second.

Maybe that's why he was running faster than ever, now.

Because he was always running away from his past before the darkness consumed him – clutched him and never let him go.

Maybe that's why she just gave up trying.

Maybe, maybe, maybe.

All she ever wanted was to let him let her in.

She wanted to be a part of something – of him, maybe – she wanted to make a difference in his life. Make a change.

She'd wanted so little, so much and Sasuke just… He couldn't stop.

He just kept running and she just couldn't keep up, anymore.

Or maybe she never could, and she only stayed long enough to give her every attempt before she just… gave up.

His hand shook as he reached for the pack of cig sitting in the center of the empty coffee table. His dark eyes were rimmed periwinkle with bags of unease; they were glazed over with the substance he'd taken and he just stared and continued to run.

Maybe he was meant to be alone.

Maybe he wasn't supposed to have anyone by his side for him to sink down along with him.

Maybe that's why his parents and his brother were dead. Maybe that's why his father and his mother and his brother had decided to drink that night on that family outing. Maybe that's why they'd trusted him to drive them all safely. Maybe that's why they got into a car wreck. Maybe that's why they died, and they didn't.

Because he was supposed to live and live alone.

And maybe that's why Sakura came along. Maybe that's why she was now gone.

Sasuke clenched his jaw taut and swallowed any kind of groan of rage that wanted to escape.

Sakura… Oh, Sakura…

Her panties were still in his drawer but she was nowhere in sight. She was gone – she'd _been_ gone. Left without a trace and without a goodbye.

She was something like magic – the way she'd come into his life. He'd been seventeen and lost and alone. She'd been his new neighbor in his new home with his father's best friend and his family.

She'd been sitting on her front porch, the day he'd arrived, Minato and Naruto leading him in and Sasuke wanting nothing more but to run. He'd felt her eyes on him as he stood in front of the front steps, hesitating because he wanted, so badly, to turn around and flee. Sasuke had turn to spare her an uneven glance from under his forelocks, glaring at her pink hair and green eyes before going inside.

Sakura'd befriended him somewhere in the middle.

And somewhere in the end, he'd taken her with him when he ran away.

And everything had been okay, really. He had funds – everything his parents had – and everything had been okay. It's been him and it'd been her; they didn't really understand each other, perfectly, but it had just worked out. It'd balanced out; his darkness with her dimmed lighting. It was okay.

He even loved her, he admitted.

But… But Sasuke couldn't just _stop_ and let everything catch up to him.

Not even for her.

He was always on the run, and she knew it.

She knew it when he'd leave the house for hours; she knew it when he'd come back in the middle of the night, illuminated by the red glare of traffic lights outside, behind him; she knew it when he fucked her; she knew it when her heart beat like an 808 drum and he breathed in tune with it.

And… and she had still been there. Through it all; Sasuke still didn't know why – maybe it was because she loved him, too. Maybe it was because she wished with all her being to be able to run and keep up. Maybe she'd wished for him to stop for just a second and let her step in.

And maybe, someday, Sasuke would have.

Maybe someday Sasuke would have stopped everything for her.

But that day had been too far and now Sasuke was alone in an empty house under a tin roof, being consumed by drugs and alcohol and running away from his past and his present and trying to find a future.

Sometimes, Sasuke wished he could say sorry, aloud, like he did in his head every single day, just so she'd hear it as the wind coaxed the words to her. Sometimes he wished he had the nerve to do it; but he never really did and so he never really could and so, wherever she was, she'd never really know.

Sasuke took a deep breath and sat back in his seat, fingering the half-done cig in his hand and staring at it with hollow eyes. A second later he stood up from his seat and dragged himself to the kitchen. The house was empty; save for the few necessities, nothing about it said homey. Sasuke was okay with it because he was never really _there_.

He opened a cupboard and wrapped his shaky fingers around the neck of a bottle of hard vodka. He managed a faint smirk as he uncorked the cap and, removing his cig, brought it to his lips.

A merry birthday, he said, to me, right, Sakura?

Another year.

Another year of running; another year of fucking everything up.

And a new one to fuck everything up.

Sasuke was always running, so that nothing ever would catch up with him and devour him whole. But running didn't stop him from crumbling like dying flowers.

Maybe one day, he'd crumble completely. And maybe when that happened, Sakura'd be able to distinguish him through the blowing wind.


End file.
